Good Parenting Advice from Ingrid Bauer

"Surprisingly, many times whena a mother feels exhausted by all the demands she feels placed upon her, it can actually be more helpful to reconnect throught closeness than to pull away, take a break, or quit responding to the baby's needs. Certainly, mothers are often tired and lacking sleep. Sometimes a few monets of rest and solitude really are the best solution. But, as someone once said, 'The best cure for exhaustion is wholeheartedness'.
"...But when our tiredness is siply an annoyance or a resistance to what is, we can choose to turn the clock to the wall, ignore the voices that tell us that fulfilling out babies' attaachment needs will spoil them, and value dependence as the healthy, natural job of an infant rather than a manipulative energy drain.
"Through opening out hearts widely, drawing from a source that is as deep and sweet as motherhood itserf, or finding solace in a friend who understands and can listen deeply, we can find rest even within our tiredness.
"When a baby needs to pee or nurse or be cuddled, that's what he or she needs. Right away. The laundry can wait; so can the dishes, the groceries, that phone call, or that exciting project you are finishing. They'll all be waiting fro you after you respond to your baby."

"Take time to slow down your day, appriciate the moment, and be where your hands are."
"...we learn to give up preconcieved ideas about parenting, our cultural definition of convenience, and the illusion that we are seperate from our babies."

-Ingrid Bauer, Diaper Free

The Best Audio/Visual Ever

This morning I awoke from most sleep I've had in ages, to the sound of a light, dancing spring rain laughing in through my open window, and the beautiful face of my smiling baby girl, alseep in my arms. Does it get any better than that?

EC

I'm currently reading "Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene." NIH is probably more widely known as "EC" (Elimination Communication). I'd heard about EC before Lily was born, and knew it was something I wanted to find out more about. Sasha is also thinking about doing it for little-baby-due-in-October and lent me a book on the subject. I was reading that book today while Lily nursed and fell asleep. The book suggested trying after baby wakes from a nap, so I did. When she woke up I held her over the sink and, sure enough, "caught" a potty! I tried again 10-15 minutes after the next time she nursed--worked like a charm! Now I'm pretty excited about the whole thing. My goal, at least for now, is not to be diaperless, but to merely reduce the number of times in a day Lily has to acutally utilize her diaper's function. She's got an exceptionally sensitive bottom, and dispite my most diligent efforts I have not been able to get rid of her diaper rash (it was almost gone last week, but then it came back worse than ever--it makes a mom so sad!) I'm also excited about the prospect of never having two kids in diapers or a three-year-old in Pull-ups.
What is funny to me is that the first half of the book is a convincing argument about why EC is sane. Eventually I just skipped it because I didn't need convincing. It just makes sense. It is logical. I already know that she doesn't like a dirty diaper, and I don't like her to have to sit in it, no matter how short of a time. If I am able to train myself to know her cues that she needs to go (or as the case may be for a while, that she has already gone) I can keep her from this uncomfortable fate. It's good for me and really good for her. Plus less work for me in the long run (I won't have to spend the average 8 months "deprograming" her when she is two).

Finally, the Shoes

I recieved the third shipment from Zappos.com yesterday, and was deliberating on wheather or not these were far better than the last 3 pair of shoes, worthy of the $55. Well, I won't say they are worth $55 yet, but I have been on the search for flip-flops with arch support forever, and they are very comfortable, so I was willing to take a stab at it. I did do the perscribed "put them in the oven at 225 for 2 minutes and then wear them for 3 minutes to conform them to the shape of your foot" bit, and they did a bit, not so much as I had anticipated, but they are comfy. We'll see about value in the comming days/weeks/months.

Helpful (?) Advice

Mom and Gram came over and spent a good chunk of the day with Lily and me. Mom was up because Grandpa had a colonoscopy this morning and she was worried, mostly about Gram. Gram was very lucid and the visit was nice. We had lunch at Jimmy John's (baby's first Jimmy John's! :-p). I will say that it is interesting to hear the comments and suggestions that Mom and Gram make regarding Mothering/Parenting. To me it is simply a refection on the changing advice of the medical community. They both suggest things that I think would be detramental, such as that she has diaper rash because she "doesn't like your milk" (Gram), or that I should give her bottles with water or cerial for my own benefit because she eats so much (Mom). I love them both, and I know they loved there kids and did a good job raising them, and that they love, adore, and dote on Lily, but there is some advice I will never follow. It is sometimes best to just smile and nod.

First Cooking A.B. (After Baby)

I have been blessed with not having to cook the whole of these last 6 weeks. My first meal was some excellent French Toast with asparagus (more along side "with" the French Toast so much) and raspberries. It was beautiful, a riot of color. In all honesty, I wouldn't have had to cook tonight, either, but I had the time, Lily was okay in her swing (she wasn't digging the sling, but I did try), and I was hoping for a night of family bonding and romance. Mom had spent most of the day trying to wake up Lily, who stubbornly slept throught the entire visit, whereas when I was hoping, praying, begging for her to sleep in the evening, she was wide awake for hours (I've never seen her awake for that long on end) and fussy. Very fussy, wanting to nurse for hours on end themselves. It just about put me over the edge. I had been trying to get her to sleep so that I could have uninterupted time with Tiger since 6:00, and the little turkey refused slumber until nearly midnight! I wanted to drown my sorrows in cookies (fortunately for me I had used the last of our eggs for dinner). She did finally drop off around midnight.

Eating Day

Today was, in fact, an "Eating Day." Tariaki chicken and asparagus, followed by a walk to the Grand Ice Cream and some excellent conversation. Just what an Eating Day should be. As per usual we stayed later than my sleepy body wanted, but if it were up to my brain we would stay talking to the wee hours nearly every night of the week.
Sasha spent the weekend at her parents home. She and Mike looked at a house for sale with the idea that it would be moved to the land directly across from her parent's farm. This would make me rediculously happy for them, insanely jealous, and very depressed at their absence. But for them, I hope it works out. She *hint hinted* at their having pleanty of space for visitors, which is a comfort :-s.

Six Weeks Later

I had my 6 week check-up with the midwife today. Just as I anticipated, everything is great, and we've been given the oficial OK for resuming all pre-baby activities, which is why I was surprised that Tiger wanted to do an Eating Day today, but after 8 weeks what's another day, I suppose. I really like my midwife and she and the receptionist, Joe, were adaquately thrilled with Lily's cuteness :-). Luckily for me, Abuelita was not working today and she voulenteered to accompany us to the appointment--I had to wait quite a long time in the exam room and in the mean time Lily started to fuss and Abuelita took her out of the clinic to enjoy the warm day...If i would have had to entertain her before/during an exam or she was screaming...that would have been a nightmare.
We had them weigh her out of curiosity, I guessed she would weigh 9 lbs, and Julita guessed 10 lbs...my adoreable little piggy who snorts when she is very, very hungry weighs 11 lbs!! Two inches and four pounds in six weeks...even the midwife was amazed :-)
After we walked the two blocks to Jamba Juice and the Breadsmith--Yum! We had a good time eating out treats, chatting, and enjoying comments on what a cute baby we had. I will never tire of hearing that! Yesterday at church, a grandmother told me that Lily was the most beautiful baby she had ever seen. I'm so glad everyone agrees with us on this subject :-p. My own mother's responce to this story was, "Well, you were a beautiful baby, too." Which is not the point; this isn't about me. Plus, that woman didn't see me as a baby, so I was not able to throw off her judgement ;-p.

My First Mother's Day

I'm not sure what makes me feel that time is passing me out of control: realizing that I am 27, the fact that I have been married over 6 years, or that this Mother's Day I am actually a mother. Going to the Arboratum for Mother's Day was a good idea--a bit too much of a good idea. I've seen that place packed before, but never like this--not a parking place to be had. So we ended up going with plan B.2--Panara and ice cream at G&G's. Tiger went to work and dug me my garden for Mother's Day instead. It was nice to be with mom & dad & gram & gramps, but I was pretty wiped out. Daddy & I went on a walk around G&G's neighborhood. The day started out quite cool but by the time we went on our walk it was a quarter-past hot. Things were just low-key all day, not a whole lot to report other than it made my heart glad to watch my grandpa go gooey all over Lily, Gram, too. I am so thrilled that she gets two great-grandparents. Mine meant a lot to me. I just hope and pray that they are around long enough for her to get to know and love them the way that they get to know and love her. I bothered to get some shorts--mom helped with that. I'm not crazy about them, but they will do until I can wear my "real" clothes.

Mommy Day at the Park

Ok, so it is probably always mommy day at the park, but this time I was a mommy at the park, so it counts or something. I met Sasha and we went to a really great park to meet Ani and Aden there. The weather was fabulous as long as we stuck to the shade, and the time flew as we three chatted. To be quite honest, I was surprised by the number of dads at the park. I was expecting the moms, and not all too stunned by the grandmas, but I would not have guessed at the amount of dads there. It made me miss Tiger quite a bit and wish he could have been there too.
After I went to Sasha's and we ordered Pizza Lucy for lunch--lovely. We spent quite a bit of time outside, lounging in the shade of their front yard. Emily kept wanting me to read "Calvin and Hobbes" to her, which is strange because the humor is far beyond her four-and-a-half years, despite my changing wording and explaining stroylines for her benefit. She seemed to enjoy it very much anyway, and insisted that I keep reading it to her.

A Lawn Story

Julia came to rock the baby, so I used this chance to mow the lawn. At first the mower would not start; it was so cloged up with matted grass clipings from last year that I couldn't even pull the cord! I had to flip the mower over to dislodge the hard-as-concrete grass mats. Then there were about fifteen false starts. When the mower finally did start and stay running, I had to go over everything twice because the grass was so thick and wet (despite the sunny day). After my shower, I saw that my neighbor was out mowing her lawn; I figured that she saw me doing it and felt that she couldn't put it off anymore (we had just talked about how our lawns were bad but it was OK because our lawns matched). I went over to talk to her and give her a hard time about it, but as it turns out the City had come by and issued her a yellow slip stating that they had four days to take care of the lawn or the City would do it to the tune of $160! Yikes! Looks like I got to work just in time.

First Outting with Anne and Ava

After months of talking about it, Anne and I finally got together. She came over with Ava, and we went on an hour and forty-five minute walk, which seemed to fly by. It is amazing; Anna and I really haven’t been friends since she moved from my home town in the fourth grade. We would see each other from time to time, but nothing that was relationship sustaining. A few months ago she discovered that we live only four miles from each other and that our daughters would be the same distance apart in age as we are. As Anne kept pointing out today, that the “coincidences” and similarities could not possibly be chance. There were just too many and too many variables to be random. Apparently her husband will not concede such a statement, but I will have to agree with Anne: I think there is a larger purpose for us getting together.

Eating Day

Yet another lovely eating day and Sasha astounds me again. Two kids and another on the way and yet she manages to whomp up an amazing meal of home-made noodles with a sherry cream sauce, home-made ice cream, and rhubarb desert. Tiger made his baby field green salad, this time with Gorgonzola cheese instead of feta—very interesting, but never to be repeated. The Gorgonzola, that is.

I am constantly amazed at the levels of intimacy in conversation that we are able to have with Mike and Sasha. No subject is off limits. We even (finally) spent time in prayer together. I have to admit that I was intimidated to pray with them, which I admit is silly, especially since we have discussed nearly every topic and Sasha was there at the birth of my daughter—the woman has seen me more than naked! As it turns out being friends with us is affecting their love-life! Let me explain. Mike is a server at a nice restaurant, therefore he works mainly nights and weekends. He is finishing University by taking night classes, and they like us so much that they are spending their free nights with us (and we all stay up much too late), and they are wanting to spend all of their free nights with us, therefore cutting into their “personal” time (much harder with two kids and co-sleeping as well). It is both funny, sad, and flattering. They just enjoy hanging out with us that much! Mike will be done with school soon, and hopefully he will be able to find a job with “normal” hours, freeing up more evenings. And hopefully the four of us will find the self-control not to hang out every night of the week. It is astounding that we are not sick of each other yet, but, on the contrary, we seem to grow closer and have more to talk about every time. Last eating day Emily invited us to live with them (we can bring Josh and the puppies, too), and this time she was certain that we would spend the night saying, “See you in the morning!” on her way to bed. 

Lily on the Move

Tiger and I co-sleep with Lily, and as this is a slightly controversial practice (there was just an article in the paper last week which both our mothers sent to us), we are very careful about how we do it for Lily's safety. We make sure to put her head way up by the headboard. She is so small that when we pull the blankets up to our chins they cover only her feet. She also sleeps in a funny little holder of sorts that keeps her on her back, but also has hard sides so that her person is more substantial: we are not concerned with rolling over on her (as is a concern voiced by some. Personally, I would think you would have to be pretty drunk to roll over on a big lump like a baby and not realize it). On to the story…

After her 2 AM feeding I put her back into her little spot and fell asleep. She had only nursed from one side before she fell asleep, so I anticipated her waking up a bit early for her 4 AM feeding. At 3:45 I awoke to typical Lily hungry noises, along with a tug on my hair. I turned over to find that Lily was not only tugging on my hair, but she had somehow scooted herself down in the bed about a foot—about the distance that would put her head at the same height as if we were to nurse laying down! I guess I don’t know that that is what happened, but it seems awfully suspicious…I don’t know how else she would have moved down that far unless she woke up and was very hungry. I KNOW we didn’t move her! The little turkey! She’s so strong!

Lily Gave Me My Song Back

Tiger just said to me, “Have you noticed you are singing again? I tell Lily, ‘You gave mommy her song back.’” I think it is true. I am singing again. How poetic.
I used to sing all the time. I mean all the time; it mortified my sister. I wouldn’t even know I was singing—at tennis practice, at the mall, anywhere, everywhere, and all the time. I’m not sure exactly when this stopped, but it was about 5 or 6 years ago. It may have stopped abruptly after my repertoire concert at a Coffee House (when all my musical leanings stopped suddenly) but I can’t be certain.
I’ve tried to force myself to need music again several times over the years. Not missing it more than I do seems wrong, indecent almost. It used to be my driving force, then, bam, nothing. Nothing. Nothing. No more poetry, either.
I hoped motherhood would bring back a song to my heart. Perhaps she will be the catalyst that brings music back to me. Or perhaps that chapter is closed for good and writing will forever take its place.

Lily

I am sitting here, on my bed, the morning spring sun shining happily through the lace sheers, looking at my gorgeous baby girl sleeping. Eyes closed, round cheeks, cherry mouth, my funny baby elf ears, tiny nose, tiny chin (oh, how I love that chin!) arms above her head, hands splayed, and, as Abuelita says, “I love the shape of her head; it’s prefect.” I am almost startled at her beauty and perfection—that God would entrust such a jewel with me. Granted, at 4 AM when she needs a diaper change and to be fed, I’m not usually thinking “what a precious jewel.” But last night I was. Of course I didn’t want to get up at 4, after only 2 ½ hours of sleep, but while I was changing her, and realizing that, because I am changing her I’m preventing her adorable bottom from getting diaper rash (a lesson I learned the hard way when, one night, I fed but did not change her out of sheer exhaustion), that even in that circumstance she is a precious jewel. I don’t know what I will do when she gets her first severe illness. I’m sure I’ll cry.
She’s already bigger—a lot bigger—than she was a month ago at her birth. Abuelita came over yesterday and was marveling at how much bigger she is now than she was on Thursday. I for one think that she must have had a serious growth spurt because when I was nursing her last night she seemed huge. It’s funny; I’m sure I will delight in watching her grow, and I look forward to when she will do and say funny things (though I know discipline will come at that age too, which will make us both cry I am sure), when I look at Ana and know that Lily will be that size this time next year, I want to cry. She’s my tiny, sweet baby. I want her to be tiny just a while longer.

A Note on this Blog

All names and proper nouns have been changed by my husband's request, just so everyone knows.