Lily, 6 Months

Lily and I went on a hike to celebrate her 6 month birthday. As you can see, she found the sound of the wind in the leaves, the fresh air, and the sway of the ride in her sling very relaxing.

Experiment

On Thursday I began my two-week trial of a dairy-less and wheat-less life. I began to wonder if my life-long battle with acne wasn't from a food sensitivity, since it began when I was so very young (5), and I've explored every other route known to modern science. I understand that the hormones of pregnancy and nursing are not helping me out any, but I also know that wheat and dairy have been my mainstay my whole life (cereal is my absolute favorite) and that I upped the quantities significantly during pregnancy and since Lily was born, out of both craving and convenience (string cheese and cereal anyone?). So here goes. Day three of brown rice for breakfast (and lunch and dinner, but only because I haven't looked into many wheat-free options...I probably won't do that research until I know that this is helping). For the record, I THINK I might have FELT better yesterday. But that could have been more sleep.

Lonely People (Quite the Rant)

Why is it that, in a world absolutely covered from stem to stern with people that modern humanity's greatest plight is no longer survival, butloneliness ? TV shows are about it, songs lament it, Jr. Highs reek of it; it is something that every person identifies with, which, if you think about it should be absurd. With so many people out there we should all just be longing for a littleloneliness . But yet we are all terrified of never "finding someone," of "dying alone." Even when we have oodles of friends and loved-ones we still are plagued by it. Why is that?

Try bringing a very cute baby to a store, let's say the grocery store, in the middle of the day. One is absolutely bombarded by lonely people just longing to talk to you, see your baby, hold your baby. And I'm not saying that everyone who wants to talk to my kid and shake her hand or foot is lonely. You can tell the difference between the baby-lovers and the people whose kids are too busy for them and whose grandkids live across the country. You can tell who is lonely, the people who go to the mall several times a week for some human contact; buy things only to return them so that they have an excuse to talk to the clerks at the store. The socially-awkward guy who goes to the salon every three or four weeks just to have human touch. Ask a hairdresser. They can tell the difference between a guy coming in for a haircut and a guy coming in because he hasn't had human contact in a very long time. Or a massagetherapist. I'm sure they have stories.

I've been to the bottom of it. I have old notebooks brimming with poetry dedicated to trying to figure out the emotions it dredges up. I have a wonderful husband whotruly loves me and stops at nothing to take care of me and our daughter and make us happy. I have a gorgeous, fun, happy baby with me every minute of the day. I've got several high-quality, thoughtful, fun friends, and tons more quasi-friends andacquaintances. I have a great family, and to top it off, I'm on more than speaking terms with the creator of the universe. And yet I am lonely nearly every day. Why? I'm not even an invalid or a shut-in. Good gracious, I can't evenimagine what that must feel like, how the loneliness must eat away at everything that makes a person human.

If only all the moms in a city could find each other. If only all the gawky pre dorks and come together. If only all the -teens could realize that they are all, in fact, big self-conscious [Oh, man, a big part got deleted here and I don't have the time right now to rewrite. sorry.] elderly people at the grocery store at three in the afternoon could start a bridge club or something. But we all sit in our houses alone and watch Oprah or what-have-you, hoping to "stay in touch" with the world that is passing us by. Life slips by quickly, and death knocks suddenly. Now I am depressing myself. And all I want to do is watch another episode of The O.C. because it is easier to be entertained than thinking, easier than feeling, easier than waiting, and easier than taking the time out of my own 'busy' life to care for all the other lonely people around me.

A Glimer of Something Old, Something New

I wrote a song last night. The chords are simple, the subject matter worn, the lyrics a bit cheesy or trite, and it is borderline country (which, IMHO is a fate worse than torture), but I wrote a song. It has been a very, very long time since I could say that. It is a beginning; a jumping off point, and that is a heckuva lot more than nothing. It gives me hope.

On the bright side, it does contain a new idea, a fresh image that Tiger thinks I should flesh out and explore. Perhaps this is the seed from which a less worn, less cheesy, more folky, less country, song can germinate. It gives me hope.

Ubiquitous Poetic Blog Entry

Upon Looking at my Sleeping Daughter on her Five-month Birthday

My young dautgher lies sleeping--
firstfriut of my womb, bounty of
my breasts.

Her eye's fringed curtains are closed,
soft, curved, dark, like a wing
over the head of a resting bird.

Underneath are fantastic cheeks,
pink and sweet, like Gala apples.
Round, warm, kissable pink flesh.

It is about time...

That I make my feelings on disposable diapers known. I hate them. Really. Environmental and monetary aspects aside, they are pure crap. The other day, trying to go for "convenience" I packed our diaper bag with a few disposables rather than the usual cloth diapers. You tell me, which is more "convenient"? 1) Putting a soiled cloth diaper in a zip-loc baggie to wash later, or 2) Try to get your baby out of a onsie without getting the poop that has squirted out the back and front, on her face and hair? Seriously. I have yet to have a "blow-out" with a cloth diaper, but out of the handful of times I've gone disposable, it has ended badly. Cloth diapers have come a long way, baby, and it is better for the Earth, you, and your baby, IMHO.

Labor Day

I spent my Labor Day sipping good wine with fine friends next to a gorgeous garden in the country. How did you spend your day?